A staple of the "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" show was the always hilarious "If They Mated" segment. You probably get it...celebrities and notable politicians from different walks of life are paired together as Conan amuses us with crazy results.
Well the same shtick can be applied here...only it's more like "What if Pitino Didn't Pay for That Abortion."
Some potential results we concocted up are as follows...
The Soprano's Christopher Moltisanti -- An obvious choice. Chrissy is the sleazy Italian type. Heavy on Pitino's genes, with a mother who isn't quite an upstanding citizen.
Those twerps from Jon & Kate + 8 -- A long-term relationship obviously wouldn't be in the cards for these two, and you can make a strong case that Karen would dump a haul of kids on Rick to look after.
Estranged Cardinal Forward Derrick Caracter -- He's black so scientifically it's impossible for this to happen, but Pitino pretty much hated Caracter and Sypher is unlikely to give birth to someone Pitino would be proud of.
Kentucky Head Coach John Calipari -- Why not? This admission of guilt by Pitino just makes this upcoming season's match-up that much more interesting.
There's talk about the University of Louisville mulling the decision on whether or not to keep Pitino at the helm. Please. The Cardinals need Pitino more than he needs them, and the boosters likely would not stand for his dismissal.